That John Mayer. He's such a cad. You just can't pin him down. And you know why? Because he apparently thinks that marriage is the root of all evil. If it weren't for marriage, famous dudes could pork a million ladies and say really dirty things to them—in writing—and no one would give a fart. That's where Tiger Woods went wrong. It wasn't that Tiger wracked up enough lays to start his own foxy boxing league; it was getting married. Mayer told The Independent:
Tiger Woods' problems come from him being married. The end. It has nothing to do with control. If Tiger Woods was a single guy, what sort of angle would there be to a text message? If Tiger Woods was single, and he texted a girl and said ‘I wanna wear your ass like a hat', why would that ever hit the news?
I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I'm not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you've never seen any of them. Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text message from me to the newspapers, they'd say ‘I don't have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat? Big deal. He's 32 years old. He's a single guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty texts, then we got a story.' And that's why I won't do that.
When I get married that's gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?' Yes, I do – you're the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.
Oh man, that's dirty. We've heard a lot of messed up shit in our day about what human beings do to each other in the privacy of the bedroom, but this just takes the cake. Wearing a girl's ass like a hat? That's demented, bro. Was he like, “Oooh, baby, I wanna wear your ass like a fedora. I wanna put that ass on my head and call it a fez. I wanna turn that booty into a beret and wear it all night long. I'm gonna wear that ass so hard I'm gonna get hat head.” Sick. Just sick.
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Posted on: Monday, February 08, 2010
